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You are here: > News > April 1, 2012

Electrochemists Sight Morons

Electrochemists from three major research institutions – NASA, MIT, and SRI – have announced the discovery of a remarkable new subatomic particle, dubbed by scientists the "Beta Decay Moron," or "BDM" for short. It has relevance in many of the "overunity" phenomenon being reported by free energy researchers.

By Psi
for Pure Energy Systems News

In an exclusive story released to PESN after a thirty day embargo, electrochemists from three major research institutions – NASA, MIT, and SRI – have announced the discovery of a remarkable new subatomic particle, dubbed by scientists the "Beta Decay Moron," or "BDM" for short.

"They're everywhere," an MIT spokesman said on condition of anonymity. "We haven't quite figured out what motivates them yet, but they've been isolated in many experiments. Their existence is no longer in doubt." 

The MIT scientist went on to explain that scientists are not sure whether the new particle really is a particle or not. "Sometimes it behaves like a very rude particle, other times it just waves at us," he said. "Very perplexing. We don't really know what to call it. But the phenomenon is real."

Electrochemists at the University of Utah hailed the new discovery as historic. "We knew it," said Dr. Mahn T. Python. "Our lab has suspected the existence of Morons for over twenty years now. We first glimpsed them in the late 1980s but they have eluded us ever since." 

"Dr. Widom-Larson", as he calls himself, a consultant at NASA's prestigious Langley facility, also hinted that the new discovery could be legitimate. Speaking on conditions of anonymity, Dr. Widom-Larson had the following to say about the claims: "I've been instructed not to say very much, but let me just say this much: Yes. They do exist, and not only that, but Morons are the next generation of space flight. We expect to have the new boosters online by 2050. However, due to our NDAs with the international banking system, we have no further comment at this time."

But not everyone was so sanguine. "There is no such thing as a Moron," blogged a High Energy Times correspondent who goes by the name of N. O. Cricket . "And besides, I don't like Andrea Rossi."

Rossi, the Italian inventor who shocked the world last October with claims of international patents pending on the production of excess Morons, could not be reached for comment. Rossi's role in the Moron story remains unclear to this day, as he claims to want to continue work on his so-called "e-cat" device in peace and quiet, while simultaneously releasing a barrage of YouTube videos featuring Swedish physicists who have allegedly witnessed the Morons. 

Skeptics are, well, skeptical. "One week the Morons release gamma rays, the next week they don't," said another anonymous critic from a major lab with large government contracts in the Hot Fusion industry. "One week there is no excess copper production, the next there is. He's all over the map. Has he boiled my tea water with it? No. This proves it isn't real." 

Critics accuse Rossi not only of being inconsistent in his claims, but of being unable to manage his business. "He's only sold fourteen products," said a spokesman for the multi-billion dollar international "Excess Photons" Labs in Hanford, Washington. "….All of those an 'undisclosed' and unverifiable recipient."

Rumors that Rossi was already living in South Florida alarmed residents in the posh suburbs of West Palm Beach. "The guy sounds positively radioactive to me," complained concerned citizen George Westinghouse. "What the hell is he doing in the United States? He's an Italian, for crying out loud. NIMBY to that cold fusion stuff. Just look at Japan. Our motto is, Rossi go home!" But investigators from the Florida State Bureau Radiation Standards could find nothing amiss at Rossi's office apartment. "There is no manufacturing plant in Rossi's office," wrote the State inspector, "and no sign at all of any uncontrolled Morons or other radiation leaks. Only a lot of science fiction books and an empty shipping crate."

Asked if it is possible to generate electricity with the Morons, Rossi was typically circumspect: "I can neither confirm nor deny the production of excess Morons. We are building a robotized plant on the beach in Florida. Our home units will be for sale through Kentucky Fried Chicken by Wednesday. If we build it, the Morons will come. Have faith."

Meanwhile, however, the Australian Skeptics Society has questioned Rossi's definition of "faith." The tiny "down under" organization has shouldered the responsibility of moral leadership for preventing the escape of excess Morons from poorly designed laboratories around the world. Skeptics suspect the Morons of causing damage to soft tissue in accident collisions with the frontal cortices of young scientists inspired by the thought of the breakthrough in energy production. "It's an outrage," said Richard Smithsonian, a soup salesman and spokesman for the Aussie group who writes books on population control.

"This man Rossi is not a kitten. He's a shark. We plan to work with the Florida Bureau of Radiation and Immigration Control to stop him. We have sharks down here, down under. Now there's one loose in Florida. People die from shark attacks every year. Our goal is to stop it. Don't forget, the name of Rossi's previous company was 'PetroDragon'. What does that tell you?"
Asked how some of the best physicists in the world could have been fooled by Rossi's test protocols, the Australian skeptic had a clear answer.

"I don't need to be in the room to know how he could have done it. He fiddled with the wires. It's easy enough to do. If you reconnect the e-cat ground wire to your car battery you can produce enough imitation Morons to make it seem like you have achieved a COP >1. But trust me, the Morons are NOT real. I would have read about them if they were."

Smithsonian told reporter that the Australian skeptics were launching a ten million dollar prize for anyone who can produce more Morons than Rossi. "We tried to email Rossi, but his email is not working. We won't talk to him by phone, because he's a fraud and we are not. That stuff spreads."

(p.s. In case you haven't realized that this is satire, yes, this is an April Fools story.)

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For a more exhaustive listing, see News:Rossi_Cold_Fusion | Mainstream | News:Cold_Fusion  


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Page posted by Sterling D. Allan
Last updated April 29, 2012


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